Challenges in Becoming a Slave
This article addresses issues related to being a 24/7 slave is because many submissives come to this lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. Not wishing to ruin dreams or turn people away but how things really are can be quite different. Hence having an honest view will lead to more realistic expectations.
A Journey Begins
The viewpoint herein is grounded in real-life experiences. The experience differs with people but these are things which have been broadly observed across many submissive making the transition over the past 40 years. The journey begins with identifying oneself as a submissive and discovering that play is not enough. If this becomes a realization then being a slave can be a fulfilling life. It can be more than many wanted and exceed expectations if they are grounded in reality. This will depend on someone explaining the realities prior to making any decision. It also makes the transition to a living rather than play at the lifestyle much easier.
What Do I ask Myself
There are a few things that submissives need to discover for and about themselves. These all determine their readiness for this transition:
How deeply do you wish to be involved in the lifestyle?
Are there specific aspects of it that excite you and others which repel you?
How flexible are you at adjusting to the needs and wants of another individual?
Do you wish to explore living 24/7 this type relationship?
Do you only wish to have casual activities?
Do you want to role-play at only during certain times?
Have you figured out what is right for you?
Individuals entering into this lifestyle long before they decide on kinks, fetishes or activities have to learn to be honest with themselves. They must figure out:
What are their limits,
Those things they will do
Those things they won’t do
Those things they are curious about and
Those things that could be a 'maybe'.
The Right Guide/Mentor
Many times the search is like a journey of discovery, and doing so cannot be accomplished alone. If this is the case then the search will require that you can also be honest with another individual, one with experience who can help, guide and mentor you as you discover yourself. This should not be a long-term commitment, many times as you discover things about yourself your interests will change, your needs will change or grow and frequently you may outgrow the person you are being mentored by. It is better to select someone sage (smart, articulate, gifted and experienced) that will accept you are not looking for permanence to start. Their goal is to help you accomplish your discovery; not become your longer-term partner. This is a classic mistake many people make and inevitably someone gets disappointed or hurt by the inevitable break.
The Hard Questions
Ask yourself and your mentor not some but frequent and intensely personal or hard questions. There are many aspects to contemplate in order for individuals to base decisions on reality and yours, not someone else's dreams or views of how it should be.
Total Power Exchange, Really???
Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 slaves do this. Entering into a long-term 24x7 relationship means that the surrender of total control to a dominant, and activities happen at their behest and schedule NOT your desire. Furthermore, in such a situation your desire to not indulge in such activities is irrelevant. The dominants desires and needs come first.
If you only want to Role-play for a defined period or at specific times and once the scene is over, everything returns to “normal”; then you are NOT ready for a permanent relationship of this nature, nor should you offer to surrender total control to a dominant.
Dominant NOT your Preferences
Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider that the dominant may only like classical music, and you may even hate it. In a committed situation, you must be prepared to give up those selections and only listen to their music. This type of sacrifice can apply to many choices, such as food, clothing, drink, exercise, even to your participation in social events.
Given the dominant’s preferences, you may rarely get to enjoy the things you truly like. As a reward for good behavior and exceeding your dominant’s expectations they may permit you to listen to your choice of music have your favorite food, go to a particular concert or movie, etc. This usually is only so long as assigned tasks and chores get done. The operative phrase here is 'permitted to', it is never a right but a luxury something to spoil the submissive as a reward. Frequently it is not something which should be “expected” to enjoy whenever wished, this is the nature of control and dominance.
The Scope of Choices Lost
These limitations apply to many areas of life; take clothing for example! There may be certain styles of clothes, colors, and scents which the submissive used to prefer. If the dominant doesn't approve of them, like these choices will be removed and it can be expected to wear things that would be beneath or not even considered in a previous state (free-person). The dominant may instruct the clothing to be worn each day or distinct to the activities being conducted. The styles or colors chosen, the way to wear makeup or even perfumes are fundamental to setting the experience and tone of the activity. These are all defined to elicit a particular response not only from the participants but also for the observers.
These things must be prepared to abide by in order to keep the dominant happy. If the dominant asks you to wear something very skimpy to someplace simple like the grocery store, could you do this without hesitation? You must be willing if asked to change anything immediately without discussion… Such is the slave's lot as opposed to remaining a submissive. It is not unusual to be asked to change at a moment’s notice even if just having previously been asked. Every dominant will exercise this right simply to reinforce the control they have. Learned to always ask the dominant what they would like you to wear even if going no place special can avoid the majority of the unexpected requests.
Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or color to please your dominant? All of these will belong to them once you surrender to them; as does everything else that once belonged to you. The hardest point to understand in a 24x7 situation as a slave; there is nothing that you own. From the moment you accept the dominants collar, everything is theirs. It will no longer be 'your' car or 'your' clothes, but theirs on loan to you as they see fit. There will be times that frequently you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. This is their choice, not yours. Remember, you have given up all rights to make these choices for yourself if you enter into a 24x7 situation.
Your dominant will decide whether you may sit on furniture or on the floor. They may instruct you to sit in certain poses, or positions even if you are to cross your legs, or sit with them spread wide-open. You must ask permission to even climb into bed, or sit on a chair. Frequently most dominants allow slaves a cushion on the floor that they do not need permission to sit upon, but very little else. Frequently the choice to dine, where, or what and with whom will be at the instruction of the dominant and never take for granted that as a slave you can eat at the table with your dominant.
Focus and Duty
If you are working outside the home and it has been a long hard day at work; you may desire nothing more than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. That just does not happen; being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks unless your dominant has excused you from your tasks and chores. Regardless you remain responsible for ensuring their needs and wants are filled: no matter what. One of your main jobs will be to take care of and protect the possessions of your dominant and as the most prized one, it is your job to inform your dominant of your physical health status. A responsible dominant will ensure that tasks will be appropriate to capabilities and reflective of the health of the slave.
Sex, What Part it Plays
Many join looking to be used sexually. It is not the slave’s whim but that of their dominant that is the core of being a slave. Hence, the slave should not consider their own needs but readily (and eagerly) be available to at all times. The old excuse "not tonight, I have a headache" doesn't work in a D/s relationship. A slave must also express enthusiasm to fill the request, never make filling any request appear a chore and take pleasure at the moment in order to truly provide pleasure.
Obedience First, Question Later
If a dominant tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question them. You will be required to act immediately on the request. You may ask later for permission to discuss an item and if given permission, this will be your opportunity to ask your questions. It is important to ask so as not to question the authority of your dominant but satisfy your curiosity.
Realizing Not For You
It is at this point that many starts to feel that being a slave is to be coerced: forced into servitude? Do you think you couldn't do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. This is not the day of forced slavery; it is a matter of choice. Yours! If you think it is forced then you are not ready to make this step and should pull back from making it a reality and look more to the submissive “play” side of the lifestyle. If you cannot live it 24x7 this lifestyle is NOT right for you.
Meaningful Trial Periods
If you do not know if it is right then it is imperative that you enter into a meaningful trial period. Sometimes people live this lifestyle for a day, a weekend, a week or even two. This is never meaningful if you are unsure and want to discover for yourself if you are able and can adapt to the lifestyle you need a situation where you can live it not less than a month and for up to a year. Normally the participants in a relationship will know within about two months if the routine suits them. Hence, any longer-term trials must have an exit clause allows the individual to leave the situation after a set of conditions is met. This can be weeks of service, experiences, etc. If however, you do leave a trial; do not expect to be welcomed back to the same owner a second time for another trial. So if you are using this for your “college” breaks be aware of burning bridges.
So You are Ready
If however, you are ready; know it is a choice you are making to give over your power to a particular dominant (or couple). You will be doing this, not because you are forced to obey, but because you need to. Frequently a dominant will stretch, test or push you to accept and follow instructions which are outside your comfort zone. This is done largely to help you grow into the best person you can be, or will help you break out of an inhibition you have.
How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off-of-the-handle when you are upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then go off to sulk because your feelings were hurt? Dominants will react badly to unresponsive, shallow or aggressive individuals in a submissive position. They will react in harsh ways, usually punishing such behavior (and most of the time in non-physical ways). Dominants detest being told how things should be done, or that they are wrong. Frequently they will lash out at these sort of challenges to the dominance in a very harsh manner. Learning when and how to say things will become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your dominant when something is bothering you, then you have no right whatsoever to become upset. The dominant may seem wonderful and omnipotent yet none is a mind reader, so honest and open communications are essential.
Your self-discipline is very important in this relationship. Do you tend to put things off until the last possible moment? You won't be able to do this when you are owned. The ability to follow instructions, complete assignments and report progress will be very important and frequently assessed by dominants. There will be chores and tasks assigned that are expected to be done in a timely fashion. Timing is set by dominant and not the slave; failure to meet expectations is always a justification for punishment of varying degrees.
Self-control is also fundamental to remain within the boundaries set. If the dominants state that you may not do something, then simply put you can't, and arguing or doing it anyway is a severe breach of protocol. Not telling your dominant that you disobeyed doesn't make it right, in fact, it makes it far worse as you now have invoked a direct challenge to their authority and been sneaky or dishonest about it. This will hurt the trust as well as the relationship you have worked so hard to build. Even a simple 'white lie' can destroy the trust to a point that it may force an end to it.
What You Need to Learn
In order to be a slave, there will be many things you have to learn to accept yourself and adapt to. Your primary purpose in life will be to see to your dominant’s pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner they desire. You will need to learn what pleases and displeases them (not just sexually) but in the day to day living. You will learn that sex may actually become only a part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate every need and desire without being pushy. These will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to your dominant. Think of the five senses, and make the environment pleasing to all of them. Remember - physical does not equal sexual but may include though not limited to, touch, foods, textures, clothing, and colors. It will be your job to make sure their physical pleasures are met in every way. Never forget - the most pleasing thing in the dominant’s environment should be you.
As a slave figure out what pleases constantly asking - learn them by observing. If a glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this for their pleasure not your own. Just because they do not notice and praise you doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. If the dominant looks content the slave has done well. Your fulfillment and happiness should come from the serving.
Trying to scare you away from this lifestyle it is still vital to ensure that you fully know what to expect. Things that once you took for granted will change, over time habits, will be reconditioned until you never even think about the fact you need permission to simply sitting in a chair. Many choices will still be left up to you. Most dominants want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humor, and a will of their own. There is no pleasure in owning a doormat who just sits or is only walked upon. They will become bored very fast.
If you are meant to be in the lifestyle, you will find freedom in surrender, the freedom to be the person you desire, to feel fulfilled through serving another (worthy) person. Life once passed through as a casual participant and automatron of society will end, a purpose and meaning will be added to your existence and you will discover parts of your soul or mind that never were complete sudden meaningful.