Challenges in Becoming a Slave

by Aramock Nanuck

     June 2004

This article addresses being a 24/7 slave because many submissives come to this lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. Not wishing to ruin dreams or turn people away, but how things are can be quite different. Hence having an honest view will lead to more realistic expectations.

 

A Journey Begins

The viewpoint herein is grounded in real-life experiences. Over the past 40 years, the experience differs with each person, but observation shows across many submissive making the transition remain constant.  The journey begins with identifying oneself as a submissive and discovering that play is not enough. If this becomes a realization, then being a slave can be a fulfilling life. It can be more than many wanted and exceed expectations if they are grounded in reality. Expectations depend on someone explaining the truths before making any decision. It also makes the transition to a living rather than play at the lifestyle much more manageable. 

 

What Do I ask Myself?

There are a few things that submissives need to discover for and about themselves. These all determine their readiness for this transition:

  • How deeply do you wish to be involved in the lifestyle?

  • Are there specific aspects of it that excite you and others that repel you?

  • How flexible are you at adjusting to the needs and wants of another individual?

  • Do you wish to explore living 24/7 this type of relationship?

  • Do you only wish to have casual activities?

  • Do you want to role-play only during certain times?

  • Have you figured out what is right for you? 

 

Before Entering

Individuals entering into this lifestyle long before they decide on kinks, fetishes or activities have to learn to be honest with themselves. They must figure out:

  • What are their limits,

    • Those things they will do

    • Those things they won’t do

    • Those things they are curious about and

    • Those things could be a 'maybe'.

 

The Right Guide/Mentor

Often, the search is like a journey of discovery, and doing so cannot be accomplished alone.  If this is the case, the search will require that you also be honest with another individual, one with experience who can help, guide, and mentor you as you discover yourself. It may not be best to engage in a long-term commitment; as you find out things about yourself, your interests will change, your needs will change or grow, and frequently you may outgrow your partner. It is better to select someone sage (intelligent, articulate, gifted and experienced) that will accept you are not looking for permanence to start. Their goal is to help you accomplish your discovery, not become your longer-term partner. Jumping to the long-term is a classic mistake many people make, and inevitably someone gets disappointed or hurt by the inevitable break.

 

The Hard Questions

Ask yourself and your mentor not some but frequent and intensely personal or challenging questions. There are many aspects to contemplate for individuals to base decisions on reality and yours, not someone else's dreams or views of how it should be. 

 

Total Power Exchange, Really???

Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 slaves do this. Entering into a long-term 24x7 relationship means that the surrender of total control to a dominant, and activities happen at their behest and schedule, NOT your desire.  Furthermore, in such a situation, your desire to not indulge in such activities is irrelevant. The dominant's desires and needs come first.  

 

If you only want to Role-play for a defined period or at specific times and once the scene is over, everything returns to "normal,"; then you are NOT ready for a permanent relationship of this nature, nor should you offer to surrender total control to a dominant.

 

Dominant NOT your Preferences

Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider that the dominant may only like classical music, and you may even hate it. In a committed situation, you must be prepared to give up those selections and only listen to their music. This type of sacrifice can apply to many choices, such as food, clothing, drink, exercise, even to your participation in social events.

 

Given the dominant's preferences, you may rarely get to enjoy the things you genuinely like. As a reward for good behaviour and exceeding your dominant's expectations, they may permit you to listen to your choice of music, have your favourite food, go to a particular concert or movie, etc.  Remember, rewards only are forthcoming so long as assigned tasks and chores get done. The operative phrase here is 'permitted to.' It is never a right but a luxury, something to spoil the submissive as a reward. Frequently it is not something which should be "expected" to enjoy whenever wished, as is the nature of control and dominance.

 

The Scope of Choices Lost

These limitations apply to many areas of life; take clothing, for example! There may be certain styles of clothes, colours, and scents that the submissive used to prefer. If the dominant doesn't approve of your choices, they will likely remove the options. Expect to wear things that would be beneath or not even considered in a previous state (free-person). The dominant may, by the day or activity, instruct what clothes to wear. The styles or colours chosen, the way to wear makeup or even perfumes are fundamental to setting the experience and tone of the activity. These are all defined to elicit a particular response from the participants and the observers.

 

These things must be prepared to abide by to keep the dominant happy. If the dominant asks you to wear something very skimpy to someplace simple like the grocery store, could you do this without hesitation? You must be willing if asked to change anything immediately without discussion. Such is the slave's lot as opposed to remaining submissive. It is not unusual for a dominant to order a slave to change at a moment's notice, even if previously asked. Every dominant will exercise this right simply to reinforce the control they have. Learned always to ask the dominant what they would like you to wear even if going no place particular can avoid most unexpected requests. 

 

Appearance

Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or colour to please your dominant? All of these will belong to them once you surrender to them, as does everything else that once belonged to you. The most complicated point to understand in a 24x7 situation as a slave; there is nothing that you own. From the moment you accept the dominant's collar, everything is theirs. It will no longer be 'your' car or 'your' clothes, but theirs on loan to you as they see fit. There will be times that frequently you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. The choice is theirs, not yours. Remember, you gave up all rights to make these choices for yourself if you enter into a 24x7 situation. 

 

Mundane Choices 

Your dominant will decide whether you may sit on furniture or the floor. They may instruct you to sit in certain poses or positions even if you cross your legs or sit with them spread wide-open. You must ask permission to even climb into bed or sit on a chair. Frequently most dominants allow slaves a cushion on the floor that they do not need permission to sit upon, but very little else. Often the choice, where, or what and with whom to dine is the dominant’s. A slave should never take for granted that they can eat at the table with the dominant. 

 

Focus and Duty

If you are working outside the home and it has been a long hard day at work, you may desire nothing more than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. That does not happen; being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks unless your dominant has excused you from your duties and chores. Regardless you remain responsible for ensuring to fulfil their needs and wants, no matter what. One of your main jobs will be to take care of and protect the possessions of your dominant, and as the most prized one, it is your job to inform your dominant of your physical health status. A responsible dominant will ensure that tasks will be appropriate to capabilities and reflective of the health of the slave. 

 

Sex, What Part it Plays

Many join desiring sexual exploitation and use beyond a vanilla expectation. It is not the slave's whim but that of their dominant, the core of being a slave. Hence, the slave should not consider their own needs but readily (and eagerly) be available at all times. The old excuse "not tonight, I have a headache" doesn't work in a D/s relationship. A slave must also express enthusiasm to fill the request, never make filling any request appear a chore and take pleasure at the moment to provide genuine satisfaction.

 

Obedience First, Question Later

If a dominant tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question them. You will be required to act immediately on the request. You may ask later for permission to discuss an item, and if given permission, this will be your opportunity to ask your questions. It is important to ask so as not to question the authority of your dominant but satisfy your curiosity. 

 

Realizing Not For You

At this point, many start to feel that being a slave is akin to being forced into servitude. Do you think you couldn't do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. No longer do we live in the day of forced slavery; fetish slavery remains a matter of choice. Yours! If you feel forced, you are not ready to make this step and should pull back from making it a reality and look more to the submissive "play" side of the lifestyle.  If you cannot live it 24x7, this lifestyle is NOT suitable for you.

 

Meaningful Trial Periods

If you do not know if it is correct, you must enter into a meaningful trial period. Sometimes people live this lifestyle for a day, a weekend, a week or even two.  The experience can never be profound if you are unsure and want to discover for yourself if you can adapt to the lifestyle you need to live in less than a month and for up to a year. Usually, the participants in a relationship will know within about two months if the routine suits them. Hence, any longer-term trials must have an exit clause that allows the individual to leave the situation after meeting a set of conditions. It may require weeks of service, experiences, etc. If you exit a trial period, do not expect to be welcomed back to the same owner a second time for another trial period.  So if you are using this for your “college” breaks, be aware of burning bridges.

 

So You are Ready

If, however, you are ready, know it is a choice you are making to give over your power to a particular dominant (or couple). You will surrender your self-determination, not due to coercion but because of a self-fulfilling need. Frequently a dominant will stretch, test or push you to accept and follow instructions that are outside your comfort zone. Doing so is by, in large, to help you grow into the best person you can be or help you break out of an inhibition you have. 

Anger Management

How is your temper? Are you quick to fly off of the handle when you are upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then go off to sulk because of hurt feelings? Dominants will react badly to unresponsive, shallow or aggressive individuals in a submissive position. They may respond in cruel ways, usually punishing such behaviour (and most of the time in non-physical ways). Dominants detest others telling them how to do things or that they are wrong. Frequently they will lash out at these sorts of challenges to their dominance in a very harsh manner. Learning when and how to say things will become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your dominant when something is bothering you, you have no right to become upset. The dominant may seem extraordinary and omnipotent, yet none is a mind reader, so honest and open communications are essential.

 

Self Discipline

Your self-discipline is essential in this relationship. Do you tend to put things off until the last possible moment? Owned, you won't be able to procrastinate. The ability to follow instructions, complete assignments and report progress will be critical and frequently assessed by dominants. There will be chores and tasks assigned and expected done in a timely fashion. Dominants set the timing and not the slave; failure to meet expectations is always a justification for the punishment of varying degrees.

 

Self-Control

Self-control is also fundamental to remain within the boundaries set. If the dominants state that you may not do something, then put you can't, and arguing or doing it anyway is a severe breach of protocol. Not telling your dominant that you disobeyed doesn't make it right. It makes it far worse as you now have invoked a direct challenge to their authority and been sneaky or dishonest about it. Such situations damage the trust as well as the relationship you have worked so hard to build. Even a simple 'white lie' can destroy confidence in each other to the point that it may force an end to it. 

 

What You Need to Learn

Being a slave forces learning to accepting of and adapting oneself. Your primary purpose in life will be to see your dominant's pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner they desire. You will need to learn what pleases and displeases them (not just sexually) but daily living. You will discover that sex may become only a part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate every need and desire without being pushy. These will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to your dominant. Please think of the five senses, and make the environment pleasing to all of them. Remember - physical does not equal sexual but may include, though not limited to, touch, foods, textures, clothing, and colours. It will be your job to make sure to meet their physical pleasures in every way. Never forget - the most pleasing thing in the dominant's environment should be you. 

 

As a slave, figure out what pleases constantly asking - learn them by observing. If a glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this for their pleasure, not your own. Just because they do not notice and praise you doesn't mean you are doing it wrong. If a dominant looks content then the slave has done well. Your fulfillment and happiness should come from the serving. 

Choices Remain

Trying to scare you away from this lifestyle is vital to ensure that you fully know what to expect. Things that once you took for granted will change over time habits and conditioned until you never even think about the fact you need permission to sit in a chair. Many choices will remain with you. Most dominants want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humour, and a will of their own. There is no pleasure in owning a doormat that only walked upon or sat motionlessly. They will become bored very fast.

 

In Summation

If the lifestyle is for you, you will find freedom in surrender, the freedom to be the person you desire, to feel fulfilled through serving another (worthy) person. Life once passed through as a casual participant and puppet of society will end. Joining the lifestyle should add a purpose and meaning to the slave’s existence. You will discover parts of your soul or mind that never were completely sudden meaningful.