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Humiliation – Misunderstood

by Uniquely Piquant

      August 2010

One concept most misunderstood in life, kink or otherwise, is humiliation.  Humiliation draws on the broadest ability to degrade how an individual view themselves. It also changes with a shift of balance in the relationship. Therefore perception as much as reality drives the misunderstanding.

Feminism's Hypocrisy

Many individuals view the concept of submission as humiliating and restrictive. Feminists view anything where a woman's will is subject to the whim of a man as degrading. Even the idea of sexual gratification of men is offensive to them. Although, they frequently do not hold the view when it involves lesbians for fear of repressing women. Acts of a non-sexual nature within or outside the lifestyle, even if consensual, remain utterly offensive.  A massive difference exists within the lifestyle if humiliation is consensual or not.

Underlaying Need

The denial of power some submissives can be freeing for those who work in intense situations. Many such power-afflicted people see humiliation and degradation as necessary.  The intent is not to destroy an individual pride or ego but rather to remove the sense of shame and demands placed on them by being assertive.  Allowing a Dominant to subject a submissive to the most humiliating things eliminates the need to feel embarrassment due to social conditioning. Humiliation removes the societal brainwashing and provides comfort in their utter and complete sexual urges.

The repressed fantasies to experience degradation result in feeling shame because of social conditioning. Objectification and treatment purely as a sexual object become arousing with removing social conditioning and one's pride.  It is impossible for a Dominant not to respect a submissive needing degradation, as confusing as this sounds.

The intent is never to make a submissive feel negative about themselves, lower their self-esteem, instead liberate them. It is detrimental and counter-productive to reduce the submissive's self-value as a part of the humiliation. 

Debasing and becoming a pleasure object for another is about recognizing a submissive's primal sexual urges and not diminishing them. Expressing their primal urges provides greater power than the destructive effects of pride and selfish ego-ism. Ultimate humiliation done correctly helps a submissive build healthy self-esteem.