Human Pet Nutrition

by Uniquely Piquant

      May 2014

The feeding of human pets is a precarious thing. First off, the idea is to deny the individual any true pleasure from the food and maintain a healthy and nutritional balance.


Safe Alternatives

It should be made clear that real pet food is not usually suitable for humans and practical lacks many of the nutritional values need by a human being. There can also be many components such as bone meal and animal byproducts which are not digestible by humans, and what is worse, it could make the person violently ill. So designing food that supports humans while perfecting the “pet” simulation is important.


Fruits and Vegetables

Although of considerably less concern than serving raw meat, fruits and vegetables also poses an interesting quandary. The flavorful and sweet fruits, particularly in a homemade fruit salad, work well as a reward meal for those particularly attentive pets. If offsetting, this is desired by adding bitter herbs, lemon/lime juice, raw or boiled ginger, and shifting the taste to a more soured basis.


Nutritional Balance

The most important thing to consider when making homemade meals for your human pet is to provide rounded nutrition. Without a decent balance of protein, vitamins, minerals and fatty acids, your human pet could suffer from malnutrition, regardless of how much food they consume.  Pick one item from each group below to include at every meal. If you are kind-hearted, rotate your choices, so your human pet doesn't become bored eating the same food. Alternative if this is really a form of deprivation, sticking to a single diet for more than a week can be the ultimate in annoying punishments. The following list offers some food choices to cover your human pets basic nutritional needs:

  • Protein: Fresh chicken, beef, turkey, lamb or cooked salmon

  • Fibre, vitamins and minerals: Carrots, green beans, spinach

  • Essential fatty acids: Leafy greens, cooked salmon, flax seeds

  • Calcium: Cottage cheese, plain yogurt

  • Carbohydrates: Brown rice, barley

  • Vitamins and antioxidants: Apples (without the seeds), blueberries


Some suggestions for the various types of human-pet alternatives are:


Wet Food

There are numerous options for animal foods, which work as suitable substitutes. The most basic importance is that the food must be able to sustain a person. The alternative to canned foods is to prepare one of the following dishes:

  • Simple beef stew, with small portions of beef in thick gravy with ample potatoes, corn, peas, carrots and turnips cut into small (1.5cm or ½ inch) squares.

  •  Ground beef and pork cooked with frozen mixed vegetables topped with beef stock.

  • Overcooked white fish shredded and served with rice porridge and spicy peppers,

  • Stewing chicken cooked with rice and lentils.


Each of these dishes will result in the consistency of canned pet food while being human editable. The lack of spice (except for the fish) will make it as unappealing as possible. Served in a steel dog dish from the floor will complete the simulation while ensuring the maximum possible sanitation. Also, steel dishes are safe for dishwashers and easily sterilized.



Treats are rewards for good service and when a master wishes to show affection in a tangible way towards their pet. So the potential alternative to pet treats are:

  • Animal crackers

  • Crackers

  • Cookies such as Nilla Wafers

  • Gram cracker


The one pet treat which is human grade and possible for humans to eat safely is the "Milk-Bone"  brand biscuits. Swedish fish, which is readily available from Ikea, makes good human-kitten and real kitten/puppy treats. Any Dom doing pet training should keep a little baggy with them and use it when doing pet training (human or four-legged).


Dry Food (“kibble”)

Kibble is one of the hardest items to simulate.  Potentially, items like hickory potato sticks broken in small crumbs or so of the Indian dried treats all make for possible substitutes. However, if looking for something to mix with milk, the basic cereals that resemble kibbles will work.

  • Puffed Wheat or Rice

  • Kix

  • Capt’n Crunch

  • anything ending in “Puffs.” 


There is quite a large selection of more options out there. Hence, there should NEVER any reason to feed your human pet ACTUAL pet food! That the fine lines between BDSM and abuse that uneducated and ignorant “Doms often cross.”.