Integrating a Family with the Lifestyle

Integrating a family life with the lifestyle is always a difficult matter. The externally imposed social norms, as well as the good health and mental development of the children, consideration. This balance is difficult at the best of times so to manage it requires determination, sacrifice, and rules; but then so does the lifestyle. As to my nine children, all were born to submissives within a lifestyle setting, and all but two are adults one is just entering college the other is a couple of year from college. It has been a balancing act just as with those having an active adult life with a family in the vanilla world.

  

Honesty Before All Else

The first rule that needed to be in place is that no lies would be involved. The children may not fully understand, but do not lie to them at any time. When and if they asked questions they were answered in a very clinical way not to influence them. It is important however to shield younger members of the family from the more complex items over until they were old enough to comprehend them. The result of this is that about half are in the lifestyle themselves to various degrees, and the other half have turned their back on the lifestyle. It was always their choice whether they got involved in the lifestyle once they are mature enough to understand and form an informed consent.

  

Excluding the Children

I took responsibility for the children and raised them as an integral part of the household but excluded from most activities. They saw the dominance, at times discipline, sexuality (if not sex acts) and had their own rules to follow. First and foremost, the dungeon and “events” rooms were separate and locked. The children were not allowed in there until they were in their late teens. Was this a perfect solution, no; did some of the children’s curiosity cause them to sneak a peek, well in at least two cases I know of; yes. Did it scare them for life; NO. And of the two one became involved and one rejected the lifestyle.

 

Handling Nudity and Protocol

Nudity to various degrees was a part of the home, so the children learned not to be ashamed of their bodies or seeing others. They also learned that certain adornments were by design and a function of how submissives lived in the house. So collars, cuffs, and marking were an ever-present example. They saw submissives refused access to the furniture, or fed from bowls on the floor, or kept in dog cages when being punished. They understood that anything spoken by their “father” to a submissive was never a suggestion or request but an instruction. They also learned that we never tolerated a lack of respect for either their father or a submissive by any other individual. 

  

Respect Regardless of Role

They learned that a submissive was not a lower form of life but a role freely accepted by the individual and the choice did not make a submissive less of or a weak person. They also learned because of the various individual's differences in age, build or appearance that in their father’s eyes beauty was not in how a person looked but the attitudes and personality they projected.

  

Girls are more Difficult

I know it sounds stereotypical, but my daughters had it slightly more difficult time and presented me with more problems. They saw all of the women (particularly their mothers) as being submissive (except when we had a domtrix as a visitor). So they naturally leaned towards the tendency of being submissive. They formed bonds with the house submissives as if they were extended family members and emulated the submissive as a role model. In trying to have them become more independent, I struggled with this situation. Two of the five girls did so; one became a domtrix herself, another turned her back on the lifestyle to become a nurse and missionary. Two of the submissive daughters turned their back on the lifestyle for more traditional relationships and marriage. The one who re-acquainted herself with the lifestyle did so as a result of problems in her traditional relationship.

  

Boys Follow Dad

The boys had all become strong people and tended to dominance. However, again two boys have rejected the lifestyle for more traditional relationships, one is dominant in his own right, and one is too young to make that choice.

 

 Gender Ambiguity

One of the real challenges was that many of the relationships did not follow traditional gender norms. The result in this that some of the children ended with a gender ambiguity while growing up on to settle down as the matured. One daughter is clearly a lesbian, two are bisexual. as is one boy a cross-dresser with a strong desire to become an anatomical woman. None of this was nurtured but also none of this was denied or challenged as they needed to find their own sense of self and sexuality.

 

Partitioning the House

Many of my lifestyle activities moved from an open house to the private dungeons which became the domains of the lifestyle. We barred the children from accessing these areas until they were in the late teens. Harsher punishments, sexual and other acts that were beyond their understanding all were behind closed doors. Now with all of the children out of the house, it persists as a learned experience. The house itself has all of the influences of kink throughout but no overt acts in public forums.

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