Integrating a Family with the Lifestyle
by Aramock Nanuck
Integrating a family life with a lifestyle is always a complicated matter. The externally imposed social norms and the excellent health, mental development of the children, consideration. This balance is difficult at the best of times, so managing it requires determination, sacrifice, and rules, but so does the lifestyle. My nine children were all born to submissives within a lifestyle setting, and all are grown now. It has been a balancing act, just as with those having an active adult life with a family in the vanilla world.
Honesty Before All Else
The first rule that was put in place was never to tolerate lies. The children may not fully understand, but we would not lie to them at any time. We answered questions when asked in a very clinical way so as not to influence them. However, it is essential to shield younger members of the family from the more complex items over until they were old enough to comprehend them. The result was half are in the lifestyle themselves to various degrees, and the other half have turned their back on the lifestyle. It was always their choice whether they got involved in the lifestyle once they are mature enough to understand and form an informed consent.
Excluding the Children
I took responsibility for the children and raised them as an integral part of the household but excluded them from most activities. They saw dominance, at times discipline, sexuality (if not sex acts) and had their own rules to follow. First and foremost, the dungeon and "events" rooms were separate and locked. The children were not allowed in there until they were in their late teens. Was this a perfect solution, no! Did some of the children's curiosity cause them to sneak a peek? In at least two cases, I know of, yes! Did it scar them for life? A resounding NO! And of the two I am aware who saw more than I wanted, one became involved, and one rejected the lifestyle.
Handling Nudity and Protocol
Nudity, to various degrees, was a part of the home, so the children learned not to be ashamed of their bodies or seeing others. They also knew that particular adornments were by design and a function of how submissives lived in the house. So collars, cuffs, and marking were an ever-present example. They saw submissives refused access to the furniture, fed from bowls on the floor, or kept in dog cages when punished. They understood that anything spoken by their "father" to a submissive was never a suggestion or request but an instruction. They also learned that we never tolerated a lack of respect for either their father or a submissive by any other individual.
Respect Regardless of Role
They learned that a submissive was not a lower form of life, but a role freely accepted by the individual and the choice did not make a submissive less of or a weak person. They also learned because of the various individual's differences in age, build or appearance that in their father's eyes, beauty was not in how a person looked but the attitudes and personality they projected.
Girls are more Difficult
I know it sounds stereotypical, but my daughters had a slightly more difficult time and presented me with more problems. They saw all women (particularly their mothers) as submissive (except when we had a domtrix as a visitor). So they naturally leaned towards the tendency of being submissive. They formed bonds with the house submissives as if they were extended family members and emulated the submissive role model. In trying to have them become more independent, I struggled with this situation. Two of the five girls did so; one became a domtrix herself, another turned her back on the lifestyle to become a nurse and missionary. Two of the submissive daughters turned their back on the lifestyle for more traditional relationships and marriage. The one who re-acquainted herself with the lifestyle did so due to problems in her formal relationship.
Boys Emulated Dad
The boys had all become solid people and tended to dominant roles. However, again two boys have rejected the lifestyle for more traditional relationships, one is assertive in his own right, and one is too young to choose.
One of the fundamental challenges was that many of the relationships did not follow traditional gender norms. Some of the children ended with a gender ambiguity while growing up on to settle down as they matured. One daughter is a lesbian, and two are bisexual, as is one boy a cross-dresser with a strong desire to become an anatomical woman. No one nurtured nor denied or challenged these choices as they needed to find their sense of self and sexuality.
Partitioning the House
Many of my lifestyle activities moved from an open house to the private dungeons, which became the lifestyle domains. We barred the children from accessing these areas until they were in the late teens. Harsher punishments, sexual and other acts that were beyond their understanding all were behind closed doors. Now with all of the children out of the house, it persists as a learned experience. The house itself has all of the influences of kink throughout but no overt acts in public forums.