by Aramock Nanuck

     April 2003

Sexuality habitually intermixes in the perceptions of those inside and external to the lifestyle. Experience shows that the lifestyle and sexuality are as varied as the people involved. All people come with their perspectives and preferences. There are some common interests and activities that are usually differentiated by the person's role when involved. Traditionalists within the lifestyle deliberately avoid the word "play"  as we assume this is a way of living, not a game to be played.  Here is the fundamental difference when it comes to taking reality from fantasy.

Reasons as Varied as People

There are many reasons, each particular to the person making a choice. No one criteria ever defined a single person. This interplay of emotions and rationalizations can add to the makeup of the mind of a dominant female. There never is one but a combination of reasons which usually drives people to their choices that result in the transformation.  People evolve in many cases from one role to another, finding little satisfaction in their former roles. (i.e., Submissive > Switch > Dominant, or  the reverse of Dominant > Switch > Submissive)​

So then why is it most men are not good at understanding a woman's mind? However, the contrary is also accurate and frequently overlooked in the form of reverse sexism. It is important to read into the messages projected and the underlying meanings while not using a cultural filter. Even I, at times, fail at this and cloud my interpretations by the experiences of a lifetime. The secret is to attempt to avoid the weaknesses that drive misinterpretations to support a better understanding.

Driven to Lead

Some of the reasons driving the female psyche to assume control, which is the key in these relationships, are based on different motivations. There are those who:

  • Were abused at an early age, and view this as a way to:

    • Get back the control they felt was ripped from them in childhood

    • Get revenge on a male-dominated society

    • Exercise control over the things which they can

    • Drive out (expel or exorcise) their internal demons

    • Change the course of their destiny.

  • Became enamoured with the concepts and literature of the lifestyle

    • Want to go beyond the norms of a "vanilla" (every day) existence

    • Experience the various perversions in a safe manner

    • Enjoy the concept of "Total Control."

    • Experience something different from their mundane lives

  • As they got older (35+) found something missing in their lives

    • Wanting to explore the perceived as missing elements in one's life

    • Infuse their lives with adventure

    • Sample a random yet selective group of partners where before they could not

  • Experience a decisive "female" role driven by pictures of everything from Wonder Woman to their idealizations that they have developed through social and private media.

  • Sometimes us DOMINANCE merely as a method to hide their inherent weakness

  • Extend the natural dominance they already have in work or family life to a more active and power-based role.


Literature as a Guide

As to HOW….  In today's world, the proliferation (as you pointed out) on the web, in literature and even classical movies ("Gone with Wind" or "Cleopatra" to start,) up to comics "Wonder Woman" and the more adventurous literature gives ample exposure. It is easy enough to find through the use of websites or chat channels.

As to Happiness

Control is a potent narcotic and even more so if mixed with sexual fulfillment. It is easy to find "satisfaction" if not happiness in the experiences of those who are genuine and live this lifestyle.  Mix in some kink or activity-based items and quickly ingrained into one's sense of fulfillment.  As humans, let's be honest; it is just a complex mix of emotions, desires, and needs that equally drive satisfaction.