Challenge in Submission | DarkCastleSin

Challenges in Submission

by Aramock Nanuck

June 2004

This article addresses being a 24/7 slave because many submissives come to this lifestyle expecting everything to be dream-like and perfect. Not wishing to ruin dreams or turn people away, but the reality can be quite different. Hence, having an honest view will lead to more realistic expectations.

A Journey Begins

The viewpoint herein is grounded in real-life experiences. Over the past 40 years, the experience has varied for each person, but observations across many submissions indicate that the transition remains consistent. The journey begins with identifying oneself as a submissive and discovering that play is not enough. If this becomes a reality, then being a slave can be a fulfilling life. It can be more than many wanted and exceed expectations if they are grounded in reality. Expectations depend on someone explaining the truths before making any decision. It also makes the transition to a living rather than playing at the lifestyle much more manageable.'

What Do I ask Myself?

There are a few things that submissives need to discover about themselves. These all determine their readiness for this transition:

How deeply do I wish to be involved in the lifestyle?

Do I want to explore living in a 24/7 relationship of this type?

Do I only wish to have casual activities?

Do I want to role-play only during certain times?

Have I figured out what is right for me?

Are there specific aspects that excite me and others?

Are there particular aspects that repel me?
How adaptable am I in meeting the needs and wants of another individual?

Before Entering

Individuals entering into this lifestyle long before they decide on kinks, fetishes, or activities have to learn to be honest with themselves. They must figure out:

What are their limits?

Those things they will do!

Those things they won’t do!

Those things they are curious about and

Those things could be a 'maybe'!

The Right Guide/Mentor

Often, the search is like a journey of discovery, and doing so cannot be accomplished alone. If this is the case, the search will require that you also be honest with another individual, one with experience who can help, guide, and mentor you as you discover yourself. It may not be the best approach to engage in a long-term commitment, as you find out new aspects of yourself; your interests may change, your needs may evolve, and you may frequently outgrow your partner. It is better to select someone sage (intelligent, articulate, gifted and experienced) who will accept that you are not looking for permanence to start. Their goal is to help you accomplish your discovery, not become your longer-term partner. Jumping to the long term is a classic mistake many people make, and inevitably, someone gets disappointed or hurt by the inevitable break.

The Hard Questions

Ask yourself and your mentor not some, but frequent and intensely personal or challenging questions. There are many aspects to consider when making decisions based on reality, rather than someone else's dreams or views of how it should be.

Total Power Exchange, Really???

Are you prepared to surrender 100% control of your life to someone else? 24/7 slaves do this. Entering into a long-term 24/7 relationship means surrendering total control to a dominant, and activities occur at their behest and schedule, not at your desire.

Furthermore, in such a situation, your desire not to indulge in such activities is irrelevant. The dominant's desires and needs come first.

Suppose you only want to role-play for a defined period or at specific times, and once the scene is over, everything returns to normal. In that case, you are not ready for a permanent relationship of this nature, nor should you offer to surrender total control to a dominant.

Dominant NOT your Preferences

Do you enjoy country music? Maybe you love Rock and Roll. Consider that the dominant may only like classical music, and you may even hate it. In a committed situation, you must be prepared to give up those selections and only listen to their music. This type of sacrifice can apply to various choices, such as food, clothing, drink, exercise, and even participation in social events.

Given the dominant's preferences, you may rarely get to enjoy the things you genuinely like. As a reward for good behaviour and exceeding your dominant's expectations, they may permit you to listen to your choice of music, have your favourite food, go to a particular concert or movie, etc. Remember, rewards are only forthcoming as long as assigned tasks and chores are completed. The operative phrase here is 'permitted to.' It is never a right but a luxury, something to spoil the submissive as a reward. Frequently, it is not something which should be "expected" to enjoy whenever wished, as is the nature of control and dominance.

The Scope of Choices Lost

These limitations apply to many areas of life; take clothing, for example! There may be certain styles of clothes, colours, and scents that the submissive used to prefer. If the dominant doesn't approve of your choices, they will likely remove the options. Expect to wear things that would be beneath or not even considered in a previous state (as a free person). The dominant may, by the day or activity, instruct what clothes to wear. The styles or colours chosen, the way to wear makeup or even perfumes are fundamental to setting the experience and tone of the activity. These are all defined to elicit a particular response from the participants and the observers.

These things must be prepared to abide by to keep the dominant happy. If the dominant asks you to wear something very skimpy to someplace simple like the grocery store, could you do this without hesitation? You must be willing, if requested, to make any changes immediately without discussion. Such is the slave's lot as opposed to remaining submissive. It is not unusual for a dominant to order a slave to change at a moment's notice, even if previously asked. Every dominant will exercise this right to reinforce the control they have. Learned always to ask the dominant what they would like you to wear, even if going to no particular place, can avoid most unexpected requests.

Appearance

Are you prepared to change your hairstyle, length, or colour to please your dominant? All of these will belong to them once you surrender to them, as does everything else that once belonged to you. The most complicated point to understand in a 24/7 situation as a slave is that there is nothing that you own. From the moment you accept the dominant's collar, everything is theirs. It will no longer be 'your' car or 'your' clothes, but theirs on loan to you as they see fit. There will be times when you will not be permitted to wear clothes at all. The choice is theirs, not yours. Remember, you gave up all rights to make these choices for yourself if you enter into a 24/7 situation.

Mundane Choices

Your dominant hand will decide whether you may sit on furniture or the floor. They may instruct you to sit in certain poses or positions, even if you cross your legs or sit with them spread wide open. You must ask permission to even sit in a chair or climb into bed. Frequently, most dominants allow slaves a cushion on the floor that they do not need permission to sit upon, but very little else. Often, the choice of where, or what and with whom to dine is the dominant one. A slave should never take for granted that they can eat at the table with the dominant.

Focus and Duty

If you're working outside the home and it's been a long, hard day at work, you may crave nothing more than to relax in a tub and go to bed early. That does not happen; being tired, ill, or just in a bad mood does not excuse you from your required tasks unless your dominant has excused you from your duties and chores. Regardless, you remain responsible for ensuring that you fulfil their needs and wants, no matter what. One of your primary responsibilities will be to care for and protect the possessions of your dominant. As the most prized one, you must inform your dominant of your physical health status. A responsible dominant will ensure that tasks are appropriate to the slave's capabilities and reflective of their health.

What Part Sex Plays

Many join, desiring sexual exploitation and use beyond a vanilla expectation. It is not the slaves' whim but that of their dominant, the core of being a slave. Hence, the slave should not consider their own needs, but rather be readily and eagerly available at all times. The old excuse "not tonight, I have a headache" doesn't work in a D/s relationship. A slave must also express enthusiasm to fill the request, never make filling any request appear a chore and take pleasure in the moment to provide genuine satisfaction.

Obedience First, Question Later

If a dominant tells you to do something, it will not be up to you to question them. You will be required to act immediately on the request. You may request permission to discuss an item later, and if granted, this will be your opportunity to ask questions. It is important to ask so as not to question the authority of your dominant but satisfy your curiosity.

Realizing Not For You

At this point, many start to feel that being a slave is akin to being forced into servitude. Do you think you couldn't do this unless you were? Then think again. Slaves enter into this relationship of their own free will. No longer do we live in the day of forced slavery; fetish slavery remains a matter of choice. Yours! If you feel forced, you are not ready to make this step and should pull back from making it a reality and look more to the submissive "play" side of the lifestyle. If you cannot live this lifestyle 24/7, it is not suitable for you.

Meaningful Trial Periods

If you do not know if it is correct, you must enter into a meaningful trial period. Sometimes people live this lifestyle for a day, a weekend, a week or even two. The experience can never be profound if you are unsure and want to discover for yourself whether you can adapt to the lifestyle required for living in less than a month, and for up to a year. Usually, the participants in a relationship will know within about two months if the routine suits them. Hence, any longer-term trials must have an exit clause that allows the individual to leave the situation after meeting specific conditions. It may require weeks of service, experiences, and so on. If you exit a trial period, do not expect to be welcomed back by the same owner for another trial period. So if you are using this for your “college” breaks, be aware of burning bridges.

So, You are Ready

If, however, you are ready, know it is a choice you are making to give over your power to a particular dominant (or couple). You will surrender your self-determination, not due to coercion but because of a self-fulfilling need. Often, a dominant will stretch, test, or push you to accept and follow instructions that fall outside your comfort zone. Doing so is, by and large, to help you grow into the best person you can be or help you break out of an inhibition you have.

Anger Management

How is your temper? Are you quick to lose your temper when you're upset? Or are you laid back, accepting anything and everything, and then go off to sulk because of hurt feelings? Dominants will react badly to unresponsive, shallow or aggressive individuals in a submissive position. They may respond in cruel ways, usually punishing such behaviour (and most of the time in non-physical ways). Dominants tend to resent others telling them how to do things or that they are wrong. Frequently, they will lash out at these sorts of challenges to their dominance in a very harsh manner. Learning when and how to say things will become very important in your relationship. If you do not tell your dominant when something is bothering you, you have no right to become upset. The dominant may seem extraordinary and omnipotent, yet none is a mind reader, so honest and open communications are essential.

Self Discipline

Your self-discipline is essential in this relationship. Do you tend to put things off until the last possible moment? Owned, you won't be able to procrastinate. The ability to follow instructions, complete assignments and report progress will be critical and frequently assessed by dominants. Chores and tasks will be assigned and expected to be completed in a timely manner. Dominants set the timing and not the slave; failure to meet expectations is always a justification for the punishment of varying degrees.

Self-Control

Self-control is also fundamental to remain within the boundaries set. If the dominants state that you may not do something, then you can't, and arguing or doing it anyway is a severe breach of protocol. Not telling your dominant that you disobeyed doesn't make it right. It makes it far worse, as you have now directly challenged their authority and been sneaky or dishonest about it. Such situations can damage both the trust and the relationship you have worked so hard to build. Even a simple 'white lie' can erode confidence in each other to the point that it may lead to the end of the relationship.

What You Need to Learn

Being a slave forces learning to accept and adapt oneself. Your primary purpose in life will be to see your dominant's pleasure (both mentally and physically) in any manner they desire. You will need to learn what pleases and displeases them (not just sexually), as well as in their daily lives. You will discover that sex may become only a part of your relationship. Learn to anticipate every need and desire without being pushy. These will encompass intellectual stimulation, physical pleasure, emotional support, and many other things unique to your dominant. Please consider the five senses and create an environment that pleases all of them. Remember - physical does not equal sexual but may include, though not limited to, touch, foods, textures, clothing, and colours. It will be your job to ensure that you meet their physical needs in every way. Never forget - the most pleasing thing in the dominant's environment should be you.

As a slave, figure out what pleases you by constantly asking and learning from observation. If a glass is empty, quietly and unobtrusively refill it. Remember, you are doing this for their pleasure, not your own. Just because they don't notice and praise you doesn't mean you're doing it wrong. If a dominant looks content, then the slave has done well. Your fulfillment and happiness should come from serving.

Remaining Choices

Trying to scare you away from this lifestyle is vital to ensure that you fully know what to expect. Things that you once took for granted will change over time, habits and conditions, until you never even think about the fact that you need permission to sit in a chair. Many choices will remain with you. Most dominants want a slave who is smart, has a sense of humour, and has a will of their own. There is no pleasure in owning a doormat that is only walked upon or sat on motionlessly. They will become bored very fast.

Summary

If the lifestyle is for you, you will find freedom in surrender - the freedom to be the person you desire, to feel fulfilled by serving another worthy person. Life, once lived as a casual participant and puppet of society, will come to an end. Joining the lifestyle should add purpose and meaning to the slave’s existence. You will discover parts of your soul or mind that were never completely sudden and meaningful.