Dark Castle - Sin 
BDSM Canada & Training

by Aramock Nanuck 

   June 2021

 

This article outlines the formal rules and procedures commonly found in official settings, such as diplomacy or government, but is specifically tailored to the activities, relationships, and engagements within the BDSM community. Etiquette encompasses social manners, communication style (approaches) and behaviours in various lifestyle settings. Structure, set the context, and framework in which protocol and etiquette operate. 

 

Protocol

These are the rules and procedures required in dealings between individuals within the BDSM community, and are usually documented and non-negotiable.

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Purpose

The application of the following rules ensures formality, order, and respect in BDSM interactions and situations. It also sets the basis for interactions where individuals are directly involved in a specific relationship, such as:

• Lifestyle Participants and the "Vanilla" population, 

• Dominants to

  • Individuals who are curious but not involved in the BDSM community,

  • Submissives with whom they are not in a relationship,

     

  • Submissives attached to another Dominant,

  • Submissive to whom they are attached,​

  • Another Dominant

• Submissives to:

• Individuals who are curious but not involved in the BDSM community,

• Submissives with whom they are not in a relationship,

• Submissives attached to another Dominant

• Submissive to whom they are attached

• Dominants with whom they are not in a relationship,

• Dominants to whom they are in a relationship.

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Specific Rule Types

• Hierarchical Order of Participants

• Sequence of Presentation

• Deference to Authority in particular settings and events

• Proper language and titles to use when addressing community members based on their role.

• Rules of conduct during sessions, scenes or lifestyle activities.

 

Scope

Typically, the rules apply to interactions in the following circumstances:

• As a result of a chance or casual meeting,

• A private venue not specific to the household,

• A the household residence, or facility,

• In a 24/7 living situation.

 

Setting

• In Public with,

  • Significant societal or cultural restrictions,

  • Consideration given to:

    • Individuals unassociated with the fetish community, or

    • Underage or protected individuals. 

• In Private associated with:

  • The  fetish community

  • The domicile or facility of a Dominant (related or not)

  • A non-fetish-related event or setting.

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Etiquette:

This defines the accepted informal manners, practices and behaviours.

 

Common Courtesy

• Saying "please" and "thank you,"

• Dressing appropriately for an occasion, or

• Following the accepted customs and rituals.

 

Purpose

The intent is to create:

• A pleasant and respectful social environment,

• Respect for the customs of a specific venue or situation.

• Adhere to the agreed conditions set forth in agreements between parties in a relationship.

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Scope

Applies to a wide range of social, lifestyle, and professional interactions.

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Structure

This refers to the way protocol and etiquette are organized and applied within a specific context, like a board meeting or a diplomatic event.

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Examples

• The flow of a meeting, 

• The conduct of fetish events,

• The seating arrangement at a dinner,

• The order in which people are introduced.

• The conduct of activities during a scene,

• The general manner of interchanges in generic situations.

 

Purpose

This outlines the process for interactions, ensuring the effective execution of protocol and etiquette.

 

Scope

This applies to all situations where protocol and etiquette are relevant, such as:

• Common social interactions,

• Formal events and

• Fetish activities or scenes.

 

Summary

The essence of this definition is that protocol provides the formal rules, etiquette guides social behaviour, and structure ensures that these elements are applied in a cohesive and organized manner.