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Scamming and the Lifestyle

by Aramock Nanuck

     March 1999

It is a shame that this article (rant) became necessary. The internet and crime have largely merged. People cease being honest due to the anonymity the web provides. Criminals soon found it easy to use its various channels to get money from "dupes" with no repercussions.  This article is about scamming and how to protect yourself.

Openness has made us Targets.

There have been many changes in recent years related to lifestyle. Some good, many bad. The worst of this has been those who manipulate those in lifestyle to pray on its members. They are the ones with no real interest in the lifestyle but use it for their own devious means.


Kink abused for Monetary Gain.

Over the last 10 years, many cases occurred where Dom's have paid tens of thousands of dollars to find and validate individuals. There also has been a growing phenomenon of financial-domination of submissives. I've also seen a radical rise in the fin-domme phenomena.


These aberrations drive many serious members to lose faith in people, and most notably their honour.  Clearly, the world since the late 1990s has brought about the most selfish and despicable attitude in the general public. Some of this has been an effect of the “me attitude” because of the pressures of poverty or directly because truth and honour bear no value in modern populations.


How it Happens

Men and women too lazy to work or too incapable of providing real value find ways to compensate themselves for what they deem is their right, even if it hurts others they care not about. The internet has made everyone anonymous and places utter disregard for others. These shameless and vile creatures don a fake mantle of Dom/ Domme or submissive/slave, then twist to earn money solely. In many cases, this shameful act is nothing more than glib prostitution without sex and usually little or no kink.


Money Driving Action

Lifestyle members actually appear to be, on average, more affluent than the mainstream average. The mass amounts of money extracted have made many targeted individuals suffer. Even if they can afford the losses, the effect is that they lose faith in all of society, doubt people and retract to a safe and closed world where such animals can not salvage them.


One Fin-Domme's View

Recent conversations with one such fin-domme saw her admit that she seldom interacts with her subjects. She went on further to say that in a bad year, she takes in over US$ 50,000. She also brags there is no end of “suckers”  willing to believe her.  The few she meets are all locals, whom she allows to lick her boots or beats them emotionally, destroying their sense of self-worth. She unequivocally states she has NO respect for any of them and only interacts at the barest minimum to continue the money flowing. One of her fin-submissives volunteered to talk to me and show how he pays out over US$ 40,000 a year just for the pleasure of being humiliated.


The Submissive Honeypot

Dominants are invariably far better off than submissives. They also invest huge amounts in their kink, toys and activities. To this end, it makes them even more of a target. I have talked to dominants who search for new or replacement submissive have gotten sucked into honeypots with the same effects. Individuals claiming to be submissives engage them. They usually do not initially contact the individual but are usually targeted by one, then two or three or more from the same region or country.


Recent investigations discovered that many people caught scamming were run by organized crime or even terrorist groups. Hence many countries now place limits on how much can be transferred or how many times per month.


A pretty clear pattern occurs in all of these scenarios, one well-practiced and shared. The purported submissive declares an interest and asks a few questions to see if the intended target is interested. They quickly remove any limits, save being able to interactive prove themselves due to legal and financial reasons. Then they begin to ask for simple support to continue contacting the target. Some token amount most dominants would waste on a good meal.


First Tastes

After some careful coaxing, they send a random picture. Usually, it is a stunningly beautiful person you question why they would seek this when undoubtedly they would attract much attention in their home local. Discussing this, they usually have a sob story of distress or claim the desire to act abroad. Frequently they claim to have been the property of a foreign owner. But when pressed claim, the owner abandoned them when returning home. Now they claim an evaluation or meeting and try to have you come to them. This is when they start to get their hooks into you. Believing they must be sincere to want to meet, your mind plans for the eventuality. Now one of two things happens.


  • Either they convince you to come to them, but invariably they live too far from where you can meet that they have to travel there. They will ask for help with that. Or


  • They claim not to have any valid travel documents. Also, they claim an inordinate complex and costly process to get them. In the Philippines, the Police (NBI and Barangay) releases cost about $10 each. NSO birth certificate cost $20. Not knowing this, they will ask for $100’s to do this and invariable travel money. Frequently they will ask to return to their hometowns to get needed documentation. By now, you are on the hook for $3-500.


Hooked and Played With

Now you seem committed and want to move to the next phase. And start to arrange your travel to meet or their journey to come to you. This can range from $100s to $1,000s. The tickets in hand, they know they have you.


Sometimes before this, they introduce the concept of a family member or best friend joining as well. The idea of a two )or more) for one, invariably excites the dominant, and they quickly ask what would it take. Now everything you have spent multiplied by the number of people they have introduced. You never talk or see them, but you hear or see a random picture with the person you are supposedly talking to and one or two others. But they are never live stream videos.


Bleeding the "Sucker"

Then as the day always approaches, a crisis occurs, usually the first 2-3 weeks before the meeting.  The various scenarios in order are:


  • Rent and back rent with utilities has to be paid. Without it, they won't be permitted by their landlord to leave.


  • They have run out of food, and in desperation, now all of the people need your support to prevent imminent starvation.


  • Or they owe bills to a local merchant who somehow has gotten hold of their travel documents, tickets, or such, and the merchant is holding them ransom until paid.


  • A medical crisis occurs.


Each of these scenarios will occur in about a 4-5 cycle, the last a couple of days before you are supposed to meet.  By now, you are into the one group to the tune of between $1,500 and $3,000. It would help if you decided whether or not to cut your losses and run or continue.


The Closing Sache

The last event is usually the day before you are to leave. Somehow the authorities have been made aware of your intent and will meet at the designated location, and it changes.  Even if you go through with the trip upon arrival, all contact ceases, and no one is there.


Who Benefits

Frequently if organized crime or terrorists are behind this, you will have had half a dozen or more such contacts. Each following precisely the same pattern.  Now out $15-20,000, your embarrassment blocks you from taking action or reporting it. The scammers get away with it.


A recent investigation of one such situation I paid for showed ¾’s of the people were, in fact, the same person run from the same location.  It also showed the same internet café, and either MoneyGram, WesternUnion or complicit transfer agent. This was turned over to the local police anonymously with indications of terrorism and money laundering. The Philippines' country was where a war on these occurs, and many extrajudicial responses have left numerous dead or disappeared.


Many view this as manipulative and deceitful. If people (paying) are told upfront and honestly what they will get for the money, I believe it is just another fetish. However, when the collector misrepresents or makes false commitments are it is pure user and scamming. I advocate making examples of these people, for, without it, nothing will change.


Protecting Yourself


This site has a list of known scammers. I advocate registering many on and other sites listed in the section on scammers. Keep a profile to understand the pattern. Keep records to know what you are sending and how to decide if it is a problem.


You can avoid this through some hard and fast rules, many of which most do not follow.


  • Never send money for any reason.

  • Never deal with Nigerians or other West African.

  • Never deal with Pilipinas.

  • Avoid Brits. They invariably aren’t, but who does your thing teach the world the confidence game.

  • If it seems too good to be true… it is.


If you do send money (be prepared to pay for premium services)

  • Insist that it is to a dedicated receiving point (one agent in a specific area).

  • Insist or receipt confirmation, including whom and where.

  • Insist on identity verification

  • Prefer bank transfers to other money sending agents.

  • Insist on proof of life (like in kidnapping situations). In other words, a picture of the person you are sending the money to, holding a current paper showing clearly the main page and date on the paper before sending the money.

    • If they fail in any way, no paper, wrong date, person's face blurry, picture altered (easy to detect by software today) DON’T SEND The money.


It is your money. Understand that you are investing your trust and proof in your commitment by sending it. They need to have as much commitment back.

Scamming ... And avoiding it.

Frequently in this lifestyle, sincere people are not attracted by looks but rather their profile hooked us. It struck a chord in use, and we wanted to explore the possibilities. Then quickly follows a lack of complete disclosure, which challenges our original assumption. In all cases, it used to scam. Attempting to get money from unwitting people. The right course of action is to stop immediately and forget everything. Report them if you have enough details.  Flag them on sites you visit.

The Insincere

Their profile or subsequent correspondence failed to disclose that some factor regarding a current. This is quickly followed by announcing they have a debt. We all dealt with individuals before who made claims of distress or owing a debt to others and are not free to join but would once it is settled.


The Sugar Baby or Boy

A socially astute and relatively good-looking individual wants to interact with you for a financial reward. They invariable differentiate themselves from prostitutes, but let's be honest, that is what they are doing, just not randomly or on a street corner. In some ways, this even more nefarious as it preys on usually well-to-do older men and women. 

The discussions start simply enough, and a general idea is agreed upon. They even interact in a limited intimate manner to "hook" the individual (did I mention hookers?). Usually, they immerse themselves into the individual's life, finding the key elements to attach to and begin offering the same. When it gets to the point of seriousness, many fail to start an honest negotiation; wanting to "go with the flow," some payers are fine with this. But once pressed, the "sugar Child" believes they are in control and can manipulate the payer. This is where the items verbally agreed to become questioned. First of all, in location (and there are many) where "sex for money" is allowed, it extends to kinky sex. Secondly, most figure they can get out of the contract, presenting a draft prepared by a lawyer takes them back quickly. \

\When serious negotiations start, they will want to defer the money. They will scramble and start limiting all of their duties, removing many verbally agreed on things, wanting to make the absolute minimum of commitment. They then will try to have all forms of exceptions when their commitment failures do not affect their ability to collect monies.

Then the money negotiations will start. Never pleased with anything reasonable, they will always push the monies to the next level. Frequently, they will want housing, medical procedures (i.e. Breast Enlargements, Reductions, etc.). This, in part as a foundation for the emotional and mental hook to the payer that they are "helping" the sugar child. In fact, it is usually just a large windfall.  Before the end of the first round of negotiations, they will then drop special requests (a luxury vacation, high-end shopping tip or such), the payer thinking they are sinching the deal eagerly agree to this.

At this point, you need to assess the value of money. Are you getting an emotional value equal to the difference between what you thought was fair and what was asked by the sugar child? If not, ask yourself how much the number of encounters with a professional (mid to high end) prostitute or pay per go kinkster cost.  If it what is being asked, and you likely will not see it fulfilled. It is best to cut them off, update your social media and contacts to block them and then walk away.

Taking a Chance

But a few, In the spirit of fair play, or because we are blindly hopeful, give individuals the opportunity to prove our current assessment wrong. We take a chance, but I suggest only sending money only under the following conditions. Before considering doing so, they disclose exactly how much is expected!  Little creeping will drain a person very quickly, and the person doing so only cares about the money, not on any effect it has on you.  Be sure you can afford this if you are even considering it.

Only do so on the transfer of property in other words:

Set up a trust account that effectively covers these costs plus any travel. On the person's arrival, the money is automatically released.  This is the same procedure as when buying a house or livestock.

For a Sugar Child, merely make it a totally pay-per-play situation. They arrive, they perform they get their money for that session. If there is an overarching reward, make it conditional on their completing all services as requested. Again put the funds in an escrow account, and if completed, the Sugar Child gets access. If not, the money returns to the payer.  But avoid providing freebies and extras along the way.




If they meet at some neutral spot and exchange face to face.

Someone can accompany them, and the money is handed over at the exchange.