Dark Castle - Sin 
BDSM Canada & Training

by Aramock Nanuck

      June 1998

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Many things occur when establishing a role; sometimes, a person discovers that what they thought they were, wanted, or even needed was different. Women have been cast in a submissive role and men in a dominant role. This, however, is not always where their spirit lies. Over time, they tend to emerge in roles that challenge the norms of modern society.

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There is a pattern of discovery when individuals "Switch" between roles, depending on who they are with and the activities in which they are participating. It may be comfortable for some to continue switching roles, while others transition from one role to another and discover where they prefer to exist in life. Frequently, this is the opposite of their public existences, where high-power executives, prosecutors, and others submit to their private lives, or employees at a menial level take on the dominant role in their private lives.

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Foundations

History sadly chronicles a few subordinate women who served with distinction but without the accolades during their lives:

• Florence Nightingale,

• Laura Secord,

• Marie Antoinette,

• Justine LeClerque,

• and others.

 

Even rarer are men who lived submissive lives outside of religious orders. Additionally, many men who were considered weak in their own time have since been viewed as strong leaders by history. This makes it difficult to list them, but here are some examples:

• Abdel Fattah Al-Sisi

• Alexios III of Byzantine Empire

• Neville Chamberland

• Robert Gabriel Mugabe of Zimbabwe.

 

The strong woman was always an object of fear and contempt, which sometimes results in the "glass ceiling" concept, which men reinforce to retain some semblance of gender authority. No powerful women ever gave up power and maintained control until the end of their tenures, remaining dominant forces of their times:

• Catherine the Great of Russia (now there was a kinky monarch, but a story for another time);

• Jean d'Arc of France,

• Elizabeth, First Queen of England,

• Victoria, Empress of Britain,

• Rosa Parks,

• Indira Gandhi,

• Margaret Thatcher,

• Angela Merkel,

• And this list goes on.

 

Strong male role models abound, but again, each of these had their own flaws and distinct quirks. I am going to deliberately ignore despotic rules, as many of these, none of us would want to emulate, while other role models inspired growth and change:

• Albert Einstein,

• Dalai Lama,

• Elon Musk,

• Isaac Newton,

• Leonardo da Vinci,

• Martin Luther King Jr.,

• Nelson Mandela

• and this list also goes on,

 

This dichotomy assigns defining roles to both strong and, in other cases, very subordinate individuals. It is not always true that these individuals adhere to broad and excellent principles, nor is it always the case that they do not. In fact, as we are all flawed, many of us exhibit both great strengths and weaknesses simultaneously.

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An ideal example of a questionable role model is Elon Musk, who, as an innovator and engineer, is often regarded as irreproachable; however, his fascist leanings, demeaning attitude towards those with unconventional lifestyles (including his child), and lack of empathy leave many shaking their heads.

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Changing over Time

One of the parallels is that teenagers and young adults proclaim their dominance or submission, trying to emulate perceived role models or fictional characters. With the emergence of gender equality, many take the sexual queues from the vital role models of idealized power and merge it with the literary porn or whimsical lurid romance novels to formulate a role they believe they can fulfill.

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Changing Mind-Sets

The fear of losing control is commonly the fact that terrifies these idealists into the uncomfortable position of being dominant. At the same time, submission rankles others who crave escape and a level of control over themselves and others. Numerous Dominants I have known revealed they:

• Wanted to experience the pain and humiliation of submission because receiving was always more satisfying than providing.

• Preferred the strong hand of others or loss of control in a safe and sane relationship.

• Are curious about how the submissive individuals within this existence experienced their kink.

• Want things they could not experience as a dominant.

• Thought the effort and emotional expenditure to dominate others was so burdensome that submission was easier.

• Or be freed of the burdens of being in charge, the planning and execution of activities and making decisions all the time.

 

​Submissives, on the other hand, were curious about or wanted to:

• Discover if they could take control.

• Experience the "rush" of dominating another.

• Exact on others the humiliations, punishments and use they experienced at the hands of dominants and sadists.

• See if they had the self-control, discipline and skills to actually plan, structure and execute activities on an ongoing basis with subordinates of their own.

 

Transition

While it is never an easy transition, it is an opportunity to discover an individual's true nature. Sometimes this nature ends with switching.

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Switching

The majority discovered they needed both and could define their relationships on a per-person basis as either Domme or sub. Switching allowed them to experience pain, suffering, humiliation, and loss of control in a particular set of circumstances. Alternating this as the dominator, the sadist, one being satisfied and fulfilled by the abject obedience of others. The ability to change roles regularly continued as an active part of their life, but at a cost. The switch never finds permanence and needs to seek new partners to fill the role of either submissive or dominant.

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Over time, though, this borders on a schizophrenic pattern as the switch compartmentalizes their relationships. This schism causes partners to feel a lack of commitment, and they drift into other relationships. Resolving itself as a switch, it decides to progress along one of the defined paths or join a poly household, where it finally submits to a dominating household leader while still dominating other subordinates.

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A Return to Domination

The loss of control becomes terrifying and leaves a feeling of vulnerability that switching cannot alleviate, so some return to a dominant role. The Domme ultimately decides that the effort and time spent planning scenes, events, and specific activities, as well as managing the peculiarities and needs of one or more submissives and the social aspects of training, are justified in the ultimate pleasure. Domination provides a sufficient release, allowing the individual's control to yield to their needs for submission.

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Return to Submission

A few embrace the change with enthusiasm to become slaves, while others find they are uncomfortable in "controlling" others. Surrendering emotionally, mentally, and spiritually achieves ultimate fulfillment, representing a new return to one's prior role.

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Redirection is a change within the person and not a retreat, as some would claim. They realize that their needs are easily fulfilled as a submissive, and their care is assured. They then slip quietly into the experiences defined by agreement and consent, while engaging in the fundamental activities allowed. The submissive gains a sense of control over broader aspects like:

• the level of sexual (from none to full) activity,

• kink (variants on themes),

• commitment (casual to 24x7) and

• pain (from none to all-out bone-breaking suffering).

 

The details then become the responsibility of their dominant to plan, facilitate, and manage within the confines of the broader terms of reference (or contract).

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The Road to Self-Discovery

Nothing is perfect in this life, no person remains constant, and we all will change in degrees from what we were. Often, these changes are merely other steps along the path of self-discovery. This lifestyle allows us to step along a path we choose, not a route chosen by others. Sometimes we seek mentors or guides, sometimes we need to surrender a varying degree of control to others, and at other times, we need to leave our mark in history. Most notably, we will change, sometimes reversing direction, sometimes charging ahead. No one choice is correct, but we try to focus on what is right for ourselves in the end.

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