Dark Castle - Sin 
BDSM Canada & Training

By Aramock Nanuck

     February 1998

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There are vast numbers of articles that hold some members (both supplicants and dominants) in high esteem in a social context. Why and what fascination occurs is based on answers to many essential considerations.

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​What is Vanilla?

I think we must first define the term' vanilla'. Vanilla is not the absence of flavour but a flavour in and of itself.  Religious, racial, and cultural conventions bind a vanilla person to unaltered traditions of a society. People in a certain lifestyle do not refer to non-members as "normal" because this implies that members of the lifestyle are abnormal. Instead of looking at it as flavours, we take on the same aspects of several other lifestyle choices.

 

Strong Sub-Cultures

The LGBT community, in that you have "heterosexual" and "rainbow" communities. Since up until recently, and still in many cases, the LGBT community was considered fetishistic, they are one aspect of our lifestyle which has degrees of involvement.

 

Cross-cultural boundaries have typically been tested in large, homogeneous groups (characterized by a single strain of likeness) because mixed pairing is still harshly criticized in many groups.  These variations introduce a new flavour to groups that traditionally do not pair outside their race, religion or social context. These trends combine with BDSM to form "racial supremacy" play, role-playing to challenge acceptable religious stereotypes, etc.

 

Again, all flavours of existence, whereas the rest of us live an "ALTERNATIVE" lifestyle. Today, casual lifestyle members, in general, tend to overlook many cultural and ethnic differences. Only Gorean and Pharaonic ritualists immerse themselves in a lifestyle version that significantly differentiates their model of activities. 

 

Starting the Journey

Individuals usually begin this journey on whichever side of the coin (dominant or supplicant) as a matter of curiosity.  Once started, efforts yield to define specific interests and desires. Then they begin to explore. Furthermore, it is similar to taking a sociology or anthropology course, where you delve into the subject in a more in-depth and honest manner. Over time, many people have decided to adopt a lifestyle, but it is essential to realize that NOT ALL make the plunge into it.  To some individuals, societal, familial, religious, or cultural constraints do not allow them to transition. Typically, these individuals focus on other things, such as commercial or political success, and their sense of balance becomes unimportant. It is often the case that power is used or merely allowed to maintain continued stability in an otherwise challenging world. However, it is not our place to judge them; we can only acknowledge that they exist. 

 

Cautious Involvement

Those who venture into the lifestyle for whatever reason tend to progress very rapidly from a newbie to someone with some experience. Their desire to explore extends from one aspect to more and more, eventually becoming eclectic. Many times, progression tears headlong until it reaches a limit it will not cross. At other times, it's like dipping your toes in a cold lake; the desire to swim battles with the cold, and it takes a torturously long time to decide whether to get out or plunge into the deep end of the pool.  Frequently, as others explore alternative activities, they compel themselves to compromise in order to have partners to share experiences with. However, they remain genuinely watchful for the opportunities whenever they arise to enjoy those activities most desired. Finally, there are other activities that they avoid entirely.  Individual differences expand as their appetites grow and change, and so does their involvement with their lifestyle.

 

Impact of Dominants

Many dominants have an overly rational nature that can be disturbing to submissives and "vanilla" folks.  They invest heavily in an intellectual and emotional (if not romantic) sense, making a genuine effort to understand the submissive with whom they are interacting. The lack of focus in a submissive's self-evaluation demonstrates when they have too many other interests and distractions in their life to be serious about this lifestyle.  The dominant helps the submissive to find the focus on the main reason for their interest. Many dominants spend vast amounts of time thinking about it and, at times, even chronicling their observations. The jumble of messages and ideas from a submissive's needs evaluation and interpretation, along with the known or observed subconscious motivations that emerge, need to be assessed.  If individuals want to be successful as dominants, they will fundamentally help the submissive to be honest with themselves.

 

Often, dominants take rambling and bluntness as a defence mechanism intended to unbalance people, so they are less apt to focus. A lack of focus frequently becomes an unfortunate habit in individuals who are self-conscious or confused. Dealing with unsure individuals requires patience to allow the undisciplined to work through their discomfort and find their center.  Defensive anger, harsh language, and pushback are similar defence mechanisms used by people unsure of their place. This lack of centring reoccurs in those who are uncomfortable in their role. These warning signs indicate that a person is unclear about why they participate in the activities. 

 

The Struggle to Submit

Several individuals struggle with the thought of submitting, as they are reluctant to acknowledge the part of themselves that needs to surrender. This struggle becomes downright frightening for anyone with a healthy parochial or conservative upbringing when extended to a sexual context. They become aware of the specifics of such a thing if it is even possible to trust sufficiently in the end to accept it. Some other stray details, individuals cannot recognize whether they directly stem from: 

• Just having someone else make the decisions, 

• A lack of trust, 

• A failure to understand, 

•  A people-pleaser attitude.  

 

This cycle continues until the comfort level reaches or exceeds the needed level. These individuals remain undecided about making the necessary decisions that enable their self-discovery. Today, social commentary and published "correct thinking" tend to be politically correct, egalitarian, and democratic, which is not characteristic of this lifestyle and certainly not what most dominants would espouse. Typically, you'll often hear them say, "If I want you to have an opinion, I'll give it to you."

 

Those who choose to live rather than play this lifestyle adopt a harsh approach.  It is valid to a certain extent to make this lifestyle work; there must be a certain point at which control is necessary to make it effective.  However, when someone first enters the lifestyle, this is not the case.

 

​The Change Mechanism

Supplicants become submissive solely when their fears are addressed, or the choices they have left are so bad that submission is the best of a bad situation.  The transition then is from submissive to consensual thrall, but we will address this later. Another potential outcome is the transition from supplicant to thrall. Although this is infrequent, it does indeed occur.  The 20-odd dominants I have interacted with over the past 40 years have seen this a mere handful of times. The submissives who felt they had no choice in each case drove this effect. Every time someone had an opportunity, they were either a fraud attempting to defraud someone or making a less definitive transition to a submissive role.

 

Mixing Kink (Sex) with Submission

Sex and submission can blend, but it is a huge step, particularly for a newbie. The lifestyle is such a broad arena that typical people begin either in a focused area (i.e., Bondage, Discipline, Protocol, or Kinky sex) and allow those experiences to mature until making steps to other activities. Taking the submission outside the specific situation to a broader context requires absolute trust and a deeper emotional bond between the participants.  This extension significantly adds to the confusion and doubts held by many.  The submissive needs to find someone to trust to make the commitment possible while ensuring they will be safe and protected. 

 

Trust is the Foundation.

The anxiety felt is entirely in line with the rationalizations and struggles one makes entering the lifestyle. The steps into actual submission and the lifestyle require total trust, knowing that imagination presents the danger and the fears that are felt. Combining with a series of safe and sane experiences helps with the final thrust into the deep end of the pool and lifestyle. No one's acts of discovery await a schedule but are one of its makings.  Those who delay continuing to discover awake 30 years from now saying, "Damn, I never tried that," and somehow feel the loss of an incomplete life.  Directly, this discovery phase may lead into, through, and back out of the lifestyle in short order, or may find an individual settling comfortably somewhere along the way.  Even if people do not remain in life, they have discovered what about it held meaning and avoided the later regrets. 

 

A Safe Entry Point

So, if you are discovering something, then go to munches. These sorts of events give you exposure to the lifestyle of the weird and wonderful, sometimes sane, sometimes not and those who practice it somewhere in between. The one thing is that a munch is safe for an independent person, as it is almost always in a public setting (so to speak). 

 

Notoriety

People of note rise in a community because their talent tends to snag communication opportunities that can cross boundaries and resonate with other social groups. They become non-threatening examples of ALTERNATIVE styles that mainstream society can accept or even acknowledge.  Effectively, these people change the underlying views of others in the most meaningful and tangible ways.

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