Dark Castle - Sin 
BDSM Canada & Training

by Aramock Nanuck

     October 1978

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Integrating a family life with a lifestyle is always a complicated matter. The externally imposed social norms, as well as the excellent health and mental development of the children, are considered. This balance is difficult at the best of times, so managing it requires determination, sacrifice, and rules, but so does the lifestyle. My nine children were all born to submissive individuals within a lifestyle setting, and all are now grown. It has been a balancing act, just as with those having an active adult life with a family in the vanilla world.

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Honesty Before All Else

The first rule that was established was never to tolerate lies. The children may not fully understand, but we would not lie to them at any time. We answered questions when asked in a very clinical manner, so as not to influence their responses. However, it is essential to shield younger family members from more complex items until they are old enough to comprehend them. The result was that half are in the lifestyle themselves to various degrees, and the other half have turned their back on the lifestyle. It was always their choice whether they got involved in the lifestyle once they were mature enough to understand and form an informed consent.

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Excluding the Children

I took responsibility for the children and raised them as an integral part of the household, but excluded them from most activities. They saw dominance, at times discipline, sexuality (if not sex acts) and had their own rules to follow. First and foremost, the dungeon and "events" rooms were separate and locked. The children were not allowed in there until they were in their late teens. Was this a perfect solution? No! Did some of the children's curiosity cause them to sneak a peek? In at least two cases, I am aware of. Did it scar them for life? A resounding NO! And of the two I am aware of who saw more than I wanted, one became involved, and the other rejected the lifestyle.

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Handling Nudity and Protocol

Nudity, to various degrees, was a part of the home, so the children learned not to be ashamed of their bodies or of seeing others. They also knew that particular adornments were intentionally designed and served a specific function in the way submissives lived in the house. So collars, cuffs, and marking were an ever-present example. They saw submissives refused access to the furniture, fed from bowls on the floor, or kept in dog cages when punished. They understood that anything spoken by their "father" to a submissive was never a suggestion or request but an instruction. They also learned that we never tolerated a lack of respect for either their father or a submissive by any other individual. 

  

Respect Regardless of Role

They learned that a submissive was not a lower form of life, but a role freely accepted by the individual, and the choice did not make the submissive person any less of a person or weaker. They also learned that, due to the differences in age, build, or appearance among various individuals, in their father's eyes, beauty was not determined by a person's appearance, but by the attitudes and personality they projected.

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Girls are more Difficult

I know it sounds stereotypical, but my daughters had a slightly more difficult time and presented me with more problems. They saw all women (particularly their mothers) as submissive, except when a dominatrix was a visitor. So they naturally leaned towards the tendency of being submissive. They formed bonds with the house submissives as if they were extended family members and emulated the submissive role model. In my attempt to help them become more independent, I struggled with this situation. Two of the five girls did so; one became a domtrix herself, another turned her back on the lifestyle to become a nurse and missionary. Two of the submissive daughters turned their backs on the lifestyle for more traditional relationships and marriage. The one who re-acquainted herself with the lifestyle did so due to problems in her formal relationship.

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Boys Emulated Dad

The boys had all become solid people and tended to dominant roles. However, again, two boys have rejected the lifestyle in favour of more traditional relationships; one is assertive in his own right, and the other is too young to choose.

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Gender Ambiguity

One of the fundamental challenges was that many of the relationships did not follow traditional gender norms. Some of the children ended up with gender ambiguity while growing up, and settled down as they matured. One daughter is a lesbian, and two are bisexual, as is one boy, a cross-dresser with a strong desire to become an anatomical woman. No one nurtured, denied, or challenged these choices as they needed to find their sense of self and sexuality.

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Partitioning the House

The article on acquiring an appropriate property is a must-read for anyone considering a home for a specific lifestyle situation. If sufficient segregation cannot be achieved, it is best to have a separate location where lifestyle activities occur. Many of my lifestyle activities shifted from an open house to private dungeons, which became my lifestyle domains. We barred the children from accessing these areas until they were in their late teens. Harsher punishments, sexual and other acts that were beyond their understanding, all were behind closed doors. Now, with all of the children out of the house, it persists as a learned experience. The house itself has all of the influences of kink throughout, but no overt acts in public forums.

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